


only other lonely soul

by ThatRavenHairedGirl



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Kidnapping, Possible Character Death, WynHaught - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-05 14:18:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18367727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatRavenHairedGirl/pseuds/ThatRavenHairedGirl
Summary: Waverly thought that she would spend the rest of her life pretending to be someone that she was not, living in a cookie cutter house with a husband who she didn’t love, working in the same bar she had worked at since she was a teenager, being alive but never really living.She never thought that she would have two people who loved her the way Wynonna and Nicole did. Wynonna was funny and silly and passionate and vulnerable when she wanted to be, and loved her when no one else did. Nicole was strong and smart and kind and so, so loving, and made Waverly feel seen in a way she had never felt before.She should have known that it was too good to be true.orWaverly is forced to make a terrible choice, and Wynonna and Nicole have to find her before it's too late.orWaverly has to choose between the two people she loves most.





	1. sing your sad soul to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's been a _long_ time. I'm at a standstill with my other works, apologies about that, but this one has been hanging out and I'm sure that it could be better but if I look at it even a minute longer I will scream.
> 
> You might be mad at me after the first chapter, and you might cry a bit, but _please_ read the second chapter, and I promise you'll be less mad.
> 
> Also, I highly encourage that you listen to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW5xe1FpDfQ) and/or [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll_QeA-1LZM) at some point while reading this fic, because she's awesome and it sort of matches the mood and all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly faces an impossible choice.

Her head throbs mercilessly, a steady pounding emanating from just above her right temple. The icy bite of metal against her wrists prevents her from lifting a hand to her head to check for a wound. She tries to open her eyes, but finds that they are already open. Either her surroundings are simply that dark, or she’s gone blind. She can hear her shallow breathing echoing in a way that tells her she is in some sort of small, enclosed space.

Waverly searches her memory for a clue as to how she got here, but comes up with nothing. All she can remember is Nicole kissing her before heading off to work, flashing a dimpled smile at Waverly as she closed the front door behind her.

And then… nothing. No memory of leaving Nicole’s house, just an empty void in her mind between then and now.

Which means that someone had kidnapped her from Nicole’s house. And it doesn’t seem like an accident that they had come while Nicole was away, while Waverly was alone in the house.

But why? What did they want _her_ for?

And who were _they_ , anyway?

But the thoughts are too much for her aching head, and she feels reality slip from her fingers.

 

* * *

_closer to danger_

* * *

 

It is the day of Dolls’ death. Gunshots ring through the air, and the wind cracks against her like a whip.

She looks down and sees a rope in her hands, suddenly noticing her straining muscles, struggling to simultaneously grip the rope and keep her feet firmly planted on the ground.

Except this time, she isn’t helping Wynonna. She is on her own.

“Waverly, you’ve gotta let go!” Nicole shouts from the cliff face.

Waverly hears her own voice shout back, “Not happening!”

The rope burns against her palms and the wind scrapes against her teary eyes.

She hears Wynonna swearing profusely behind her as she fights an unknown enemy, and for a moment, she feels hopeful.

Wynonna lets out a cry of pain, and Waverly’s hands twitch.

Part of her knows that she _can’t_ let go of the rope, that Wynonna can hold her own and Nicole _needs_ her.

But another part of her knows that Wynonna isn’t invincible, and that if their positions were switched, Wynonna would give up whoever was on the end of the rope if it meant saving Waverly.

But then, so would Nicole.

Waverly’s feet slip forward a few more inches, and she knows that she doesn’t have much time.

“Waverly, _let go!”_ Nicole’s voice is hoarse and pained.

“Don’t worry, babygirl. I’ve got it.” Wynonna calls to her, followed by the sickening crack of something heavy colliding with flesh and bone. And then the sound of a body hitting the ground.

Waverly focuses on the rope, taking one hand off for a split second to move it farther away. Her muscles quiver at the effort as she pulls Nicole up just a few inches.

It’s slow progress, but what other option does she have?

Wynonna can hold her own and Waverly can drag Nicole back up the cliff inch by painful inch. It’s going to be okay.

She feels Nicole’s weight shifting slightly at the end of the rope. “Goodbye, Waverly.”

Nicole’s voice is strangely quiet, yet Waverly hears it as if she had shouted.

And then the rope goes slack, and the sudden lack of a counterbalance throws Waverly backward onto the ground.

The tears that were threatening to fall begin to slide down her face as she hauls the rope up to find that the end was severed. _By Nicole._

And then she notices that Wynonna hasn’t said anything, hasn’t rushed over to help her.

She holds her breath for a second as if that will help her hear better. _Maybe Wynonna is still fighting._

But there’s only silence. She pushes herself to her feet, ignoring her protesting muscles.

Wynonna is lying on her back on the ground. Her limbs are bent and twisted in unnatural directions.

Waverly rushes over, hoping against hope that her sister is still alive.

Wynonna’s chest is still with a lack of breath, and when Waverly checks for a pulse, she finds nothing.

She is too late. Too late for her lover, and for her sister as well.

And now she has lost them both.

 

* * *

 

_It was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream._ Waverly tries to reassure herself.

They’re both safe, or at least she hopes they are.

But she isn’t.

She wonders how much time has passed. Have Wynonna and Nicole noticed that she’s gone? Are they looking for her?

Do they have any chance of getting to her in time?

Her thoughts are cut off by an eerie creaking sound echoing through the darkness. A spot of light bobs toward her, seemingly of its own accord.

The light stops a few meters away from her, illuminating metal bars. A key turns in a lock. Then the squeak of what she assumes is a cell door opening, and the light moves closer.

Waverly squints her eyes and manages to make out a tall figure in a black cloak, it’s face shrouded in a hood.

A voice reaches her ears, coming from everywhere and nowhere. “Stand.”

Waverly decides that she should probably do as the figure tells her to. She maneuvers herself onto her knees and then her feet.

The figure turns and walks out of the cell, its robe swishing behind it. Waverly stumbles after it, her legs unstable from cold and lack of use.

She hears rather than sees a second figure following behind her, floating forward through the darkness.

Waverly and the two cloaked creatures ascend a long spiral staircase, stepping out into a narrow hallway. Even in the darkness, Waverly can make out rusted lantern sconces and cracked picture frames. The whole place smells of dust and decay.

The hallway begins to widen, ending with a pair of large doors, ornately carved with crows and ravens.

The silhouette in front of her walks toward the doors, which open seemingly of their own volition to allow Waverly and the two beings to enter.

The room that is revealed appears to be a throne room of sorts, the kind a king might have had centuries ago. There are beautifully ornate chandeliers suspended from the tall ceiling, and the walls are adorned with the crests of families whose bloodlines died out long ago.

At the end of the room is a single throne, velvet fabric draped over a bronze frame. The figure that sits in the throne both belongs and does not belong to this world of wood and velvet and glass. Her hair is long and white and her eyes are a silver tinted blue, the same color as the gem on the pommel of the sword that lays across her lap. Her dress, in contrast, is the same crimson as the velvet of her throne. Her face looks surprisingly young, free of wrinkles and blemishes, and displays a sharply pointed nose above pale pink lips. Her head is held high as she watches Waverly walk toward her, surveying her with a cold sort of interest.

“Well, hello.” She says once Waverly is standing a few feet in front of her, the two figures having stepped away into the shadows. Her voice is warmer than it should be, surprisingly pleasant and almost kind.

Waverly stares back at her silently, trying not to betray the multitude of emotions that she feels.

The woman chuckles and smiles, her face softening. “I know you can speak, Waverly. You’re being terribly impolite.”

Waverly somehow manages to keep her mouth shut, fighting back her more confrontative instincts. She might learn more about her situation if she stays silent.

“Well then, I suppose you do have the right to be silent.” The woman laughs as if she has just made a terribly funny joke.

“I’ll get to the point then. I want something from you.”

_No kidding_ , Waverly thinks.

“Once you give me what I want, you can leave, and I will never trouble you again. Until then, you will remain here, and those poor idiots will run themselves into the ground trying to find you.” The woman laughs again.

“What do you want?” Waverly grits out from between her teeth.

“I want you to give me the thing you care about most. Or, I suppose second most.”

Waverly thinks for a moment about what that could possibly mean. Does she want peacemaker? No, she wouldn’t have worded her statement that way if she just wanted peacemaker. What else could Waverly possibly have that she could want?

“I suppose I should clarify. I want one of the people you care about most. I assume that you know I am referring to the Heir and the-” She cuts herself off suddenly. “The cop.”

Waverly’s blood runs cold at that. The situation had already seemed bad, but this doesn’t seem like it’s going to end well at all.

“And how am I supposed to do that? Neither of them _belong_ to me. I can’t give you a person.”

“Oh, you silly girl.” The woman’s eyes turn cold again. “You know what I mean. Either of them would gladly give their life to save you. _Especially_ if you asked them to.”

“H-how would I ask them?” Waverly resists the temptation to look around the room again for a potential hidden exit.

The woman produces a small metallic object out of a pocket in her dress. “I took this off of your hands when my shadows brought you here.”

Waverly lunges forward as if to grab the cellphone out of her hand, but two of the figures - _shadows_ \- appear between Waverly and her target, and her hands are tied, anyway.

“Hm, that isn’t very nice, is it now? I’m giving you a chance to go home as soon as you wish, the least you could do is cooperate.”

Waverly searches for a clever retort but the woman speaks again before she can find one.

“Bring her back to her cell. I believe she needs some time to… reflect on her position.”

\---

One of the shadows shoves her forcefully back into the cell with icy plumes of smoke where a person’s hands would be. Her face slams into the ground, and she feels a hot liquid dripping from her forehead.

Waverly groans and rolls onto her back on the hard ground.

Her injuries are the least of her problems.

\---

She dreams of her childhood, of the times when Wynonna was the only one looking out for her.

She dreams of meeting Nicole, of the way Nicole helped her realize that she deserved better.

Waverly thought that she would spend the rest of her life pretending to be someone that she was not, living in a cookie cutter house with a husband who she didn’t love, working in the same bar she had worked at since she was a teenager, being alive but never really living.

She never thought that she would have two people who loved her the way Wynonna and Nicole did. Wynonna was funny and silly and passionate and vulnerable when she wanted to be, and loved her when no one else did. Nicole was strong and smart and kind and so, so loving, and made Waverly feel seen in a way she had never felt before.

She should have known that it was too good to be true.

\---

The choice is harder than it should be, but she knows what she has to do. Who she has to give up.

Nicole is the love of her life. Nicole is the beacon in the darkness, the best thing that has ever happened to her. Nicole is the reason she gets out of bed every morning, and the reason she goes to sleep with a smile on her face and a warmth in her heart. Nicole is everything to her, she doesn’t know what she would do without Nicole in her life, and yet...

Wynonna is her family, her flesh and blood kin. Wynonna knows what she’s been through, Wynonna grew up in the same ridiculous circumstances as she did, has lived the same ridiculous life as her. She has to choose family, there is no other way.

 

* * *

_your constant overthinking and your secretive drinking_

* * *

 

She wakes up in Nicole’s bed with a smile.

She loves this, loves falling asleep and waking up surrounded by the scent of vanilla dipped donuts. She loves how Nicole holds her and murmurs in her ear when it’s early and neither of them are fully awake yet. She loves the way Nicole’s hair sticks out at all angles when she gets out of bed in the morning. She loves the way Nicole looks at her, with sleep-soft eyes, awestruck as she takes in Waverly as if this is the first and last time she will ever see her.

She loves everything about Nicole Haught, and this is just another part of her that Waverly can’t believe she gets to experience.

Waverly turns toward Nicole’s side of the bed, eager to see her lover’s face, and is disappointed when she finds neatly tucked in sheets, almost as if Nicole hadn’t slept there the night before.

She lays back with a sigh. Of course, Nicole must have an early shift today, how had she forgotten? And it’s not like it was unusual for Nicole to keep everything in her bedroom immaculate, the sheets just looked a bit more undisturbed than usual.

Well, then she would simply have to go to the station to see Nicole during her shift. It was alright, they would have plenty of time together that evening.

A shadow flickers across her mind for a moment, filling her with dread. But then it’s gone. It’s nothing, surely.

Waverly takes her time getting dressed, wearing one of the outfits that she knows Nicole likes most.

She can’t wait to see Nicole.

Once Waverly is dressed, she heads downstairs, humming softly, a soft smile still perched on her face. She strolls into the kitchen, but freezes in the doorway.

“Wynonna?”

Her sister looks up at her, eyes red, tightly gripping a cup of what Waverly hopes is just coffee.

“Babygirl.” Her voice is hoarse and pained, and Waverly tries to remember what happened. Why was Wynonna so sad? “How are you holding up?”

She’s taken aback by the question, obviously she isn’t the one either of them should be worried about.

“I’m fine, Nonna. What’s wrong?”

Wynonna looks down at her mug for a long moment. “Waves, it’s alright to be sad. You don’t have to pretend with me. I know you’re hurting, and I am too.”

“But why would I be sad?” Waverly is beginning to get worried, she just _knows_ that something terrible happened.

“Because you loved her. Don’t deny it, I know you did.” Wynonna looks back up at her with fresh tears in her eyes. “Babygirl, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to give her up.”

Wynonna’s phrasing, _I’m so sorry_ you _had to give her up_ , brings the memories flooding back.

Her legs crumple under her but she doesn’t even notice because her mind has already left.

Nicole is gone.

And she has no one to blame but herself.

“No.” Waverly whispers. “No, no.”

Wynonna just holds her silently, rubbing circles on her back. In any other situation, it would have been comforting.

But it reminds her too much of Nicole, of the fact that Nicole isn’t the one holding her, that Nicole will never again hold her.

Waverly wrenches herself out of Wynonna’s arms, tears streaming down her face as her heart races and she struggles to breathe through the tightness in her chest.

Nicole is gone.

_Forever._

Her head is spinning and she can’t see straight through her tears. She stumbles toward the staircase and runs upstairs, finally finding her way back into her own room and onto the bed that she shares - _shared_ \- with Nicole.

Nicole, who is never going to lay in this bed or any other with her ever again.

The pressure around her lungs grows stronger, and she’s frantically gasping for breath. But then, why should she be able to breathe when Nicole will never breathe again?

She feels the bed sink slightly as Wynonna sits beside her, staying a small distance away but close enough for Waverly to smell the whiskey on her breath.

“Breathe, Waves. You need to breathe.”

But she doesn’t need to breathe. She doesn’t _deserve_ to breathe. Because Nicole is dead, dead, _dead,_ and it’s all her fault.

“Nicole wouldn’t want this, Waverly. Nicole would want you to go on without her, not punish yourself.”

And that’s what stops her spiraling mind, loosens the vice around her lungs so that she can suck in a breath.

_Nicole wouldn’t want this._

Wynonna is right, and Waverly feels even more ashamed of herself. Honoring Nicole’s memory is far more important than exacting her own childish revenge on herself. Nicole deserves better than that.

Just like she deserved better than to die like that.

Waverly sits up slowly and wipes the tears from her eyes. The pain nips at her, its sharp teeth drawing blood.

Everything in her being is aching, broken, lost. Her mind and body and spirit calling for her lover, her other half, who is lost to her forever.

Waverly feels Wynonna move closer to her, her arms wrapping tentatively around her sister.

This time, she doesn’t run.

\---

Waverly doesn’t go to Nicole’s funeral.

She knows that she should go and honor the woman she had loved so very much, but she can’t.

She can’t stand there among the funeral goers knowing that Nicole isn’t really there. That she will never come back again.

She can’t stand the idea of having to speak to people, to accept their condolences when there is nothing that anyone could ever do to fix this.

Nicole isn’t coming back.

So really, what’s the point?

\---

She thought that the pain would get better after a while, that she would have to fight against forgetting Nicole. That was how it was supposed to be, right?

She couldn’t have been more wrong.

For the next few months people are understanding, pitying even. Not that it matters, she avoids speaking whenever possible, to the point where she isn’t sure she could have a full conversation with someone if she tried.

She works when she can, trying to help Wynonna and keep up some semblance of normalcy, but more often than not she ends up being sent home.

After a while, though, it wears off. Everything seems to go back to normal, for everyone else, at least. Waverly can remember what it was like after Uncle Curtis and Shorty died, how she had been able to distract herself, how she had found herself forgetting.

She can’t forget Nicole, though.

She sees Nicole when she sleeps, dying over and over again in every horrific way imaginable.

Whenever she sees a person with red hair or someone wearing a police uniform, her heart jumps into her throat and she ends up losing whatever food she had managed to consume that day.

Even the homestead wasn’t safe. She hides all of Nicole’s belongings in the closet and under her bed, but she can’t find it in her to get rid of anything. Even without Nicole’s clothes staring her in the face, she still sees Nicole’s ghost sometimes.

Only, it can’t really be her. Nicole’s ghost would be kind, friendly, reassuring, even loving. That was Nicole’s essence, and it would surely be preserved in any form she took.

The Nicole that Waverly sees in the ghosts is one still covered in her own dried blood, eyes wild, her skin not transparent but rather a shade so pale that it is nearly painful to look at. The ghost speaks in a harsh whisper, reading out her sins to anyone who might be listening.

Surely there is no way that Nicole could become _that_ , right?

Or maybe that's what happens to a good soul when it is made to pay for the sins of another.

 

* * *

 

Waverly sits up sharply as she wakes, her mind completely clear despite the exhaustion. _Nicole._ Nicole is gone, she's dead, and it is all Waverly’s fault.

And then she realizes where she is. She isn’t in Nicole’s bed, or even her own. She is still in the pitch black cell she fell asleep in.

But it’s okay, because Nicole is _alive._

For now, at least.

Waverly slides back down onto the floor, curling her body in on itself as if that could be enough to keep the world at bay.

To keep Nicole _safe._

Because, she realizes, that is the most important thing. Nicole is the most important thing.

Waverly loves Wynonna with all her heart, but Nicole is a part of her, and the memory of her being _dead_ splits her heart in two in a way a knife could not.

She feels herself beginning to panic, so she squeezes her eyes shut and tries to remember something, anything that will help with the wound in her heart.

Nicole’s face swims into view, laughing softly as they dance in Nicole’s living room. Nicole pulling her close and kissing her, breathing life into her body. Nicole pressing her down onto the couch and _taking_ her.

The pressure against Waverly’s chest eases and she can breathe again.

But her memory of Nicole can’t solve her current predicament.

Or… can it?

Losing Nicole would break her forever, and she knew in her heart that Nicole’s death would lead to her own.

 

* * *

_more and more alone_

* * *

 

Nicole keeps one arm wrapped around Waverly as they stand under the heavy storm clouds. Around them are Jeremy, Robin, and Doc.

Waverly wants to think that Dolls is here in spirit, but she can’t be sure.

The sky is so, so dark.

Gus stands across from them, holding Alice Michelle’s hand as they stand in front of the grave of the mother Alice has never met.

The grave is empty.

Gus looks up, meeting Waverly’s eyes, and tries to give her a comforting smile.

Only, it’s much more of a grimace.

Alice tugs on her grand aunt’s hand and Gus leans down to listen to her, before nodding at the other funeral goers and bringing Alice inside.

Jeremy walks over, Robin following half a step behind him.

Waverly just nods and smiles as they say words she doesn’t hear. She watches their mouths move and feels the vibrations of Nicole’s throat as she responds.

And then there were three.

Doc turns toward them, eyes tired and empty. He doesn’t speak, simply pulling Waverly into a hug that she doesn’t reciprocate, and then laying a hand on Nicole’s shoulder.

The sky cracks open, and rain begins to fall in thick sheets. Nicole gently leads Waverly inside.

She’s vaguely aware of Nicole helping her out of her soaking black dress and into dry pajamas.

She doesn’t know what time it is, but she’s sure it isn’t night yet.

Nicole tilts her chin up and looks into her eyes with concern, before saying something.

The words come through as radio static.

She nods for lack of a better response, but Nicole’s face tells her that she answered incorrectly.

Nicole just sighs and shakes her head before leading Waverly into the bedroom and sliding under the covers beside her.

\---

She doesn’t know how she sleeps that night, but she must, because she wakes to an empty bed and a deep pang of fear.

She jumps out of bed and runs downstairs, wincing at the sound of her feet on the stairs, a normally quiet sound that echoes through her head.

She hears a child laughing and it takes her a moment to remember that Alice is home.

Nicole is sitting on the floor of the living room with Alice as the young girl reads from a book, each sentence eliciting praise from Nicole.

Waverly stands at the edge of the room, not wanting to disrupt the moment, smiling despite herself at her niece’s laughter.

She notices Doc sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the wood as if trying to memorize the pattern of its grain. A mug sits untouched in front of him.

Waverly walks over to him, holding one hand up in a placating gesture as he startles at the hand on his shoulder.

His face is even more gaunt and grey than it was the day before.

Waverly takes the seat beside him and reaches out for the hand he has laid on the table. She sees a flash of gold as she takes it, and her stomach drops as she remembers why.

Wynonna had given Doc a ring just a few short months ago. Not for any purpose, of course, she was Wynonna after all. But it had been a sign that she was truly committed to Doc, in as much a way as she could be. It had been a silent sign to him that they would live together, hold hands, and raise Alice together when she got back home.

A sign that what they had was more than just sex, and that they both knew it.

They sit in solemn silence until Doc suddenly speaks, his voice booming through her head even though he is only whispering.

“Alice looks like her. Too much like her. She has her hair and her eyes, and when she looks at me I feel as if I’m lookin’ at a ghost. Her voice is just different enough that I can bear it.”

Waverly runs her thumb over the back of his hand in a way she hopes is comforting.

“How am I gonna do it?” Doc turns toward her. “How can I raise the child if I can’t even look at her? I can’t even look at my own daughter.”

Waverly doesn’t have an answer to that, and she tries not to hear “it’s your fault” in his words.

“You’ll get over her, eventually.” Waverly tries, her voice clawing its way out of her throat. “It’ll hurt less as time passes.”

Or, she hopes it will. For all of their sakes.

But she knows that she will never forgive herself.

\---

When she lays in bed beside Nicole that night, she can feel her lover watching her.

“What is it?” Waverly asks, moving closer in the darkness.

“Waverly, can I ask you a question?” Nicole doesn’t move forward to meet Waverly, instead choosing to keep her distance.

“Yes.” Waverly’s voice is a whisper, her body tensing in anticipation.

“What happened when you were, well, there?”

Waverly is silent for a long moment, unsure of what Nicole is asking and unwilling to delve into her memory.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Her voice is empty and dull as she tries to push back the emotions simmering below the surface.

Nicole is silent, knowing that Waverly will give her the answer she’s looking for eventually. Nicole has always been the patient one in their relationship.

“I had to choose between you and her.”

Waverly feels the change in the air between them, as if it has grown a few degrees colder.

“Why?” Nicole bites out suddenly. “Why did you choose me?”

“Baby-” Waverly says gently, but Nicole isn’t having any of it.

“Don’t call me that, Waverly.” Waverly flinches away as if she’s been struck, and Nicole softens slightly. “Not now.”

Waverly supposes that it’s best to go with the real answer. “Because I can’t live without you.”

“Yes you can.” Nicole is barely maintaining control. “Of course you can live without me, but you can’t live without her. Not really. I can see it in your eyes.”

Waverly tries to respond, but Nicole isn’t done.

“And what about Doc, and Alice, and Gus? They need her, Waverly. They don’t need me. Why didn’t you think about them?”

“Nicole, please-”

“No,” Nicole throws the blankets off of herself, jumping out of bed. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry.”

Nicole only half slams the door behind her.

In the eerie silence following Nicole’s exit, Waverly tries to reassure herself that she made the right choice. She rolls over onto Nicole’s pillow, breathing in her scent. But it only makes her more upset.

What if Nicole doesn’t forgive her?

Worse, what if she’s right?

 

* * *

 

The pain is dull, persistent, and all consuming.

Her heart hurts not just for herself, but for all of the people who would be hurt if Wynonna were to die.

Alice, who would never get to meet her mother.

Doc, who would live with half a heart and a daughter he couldn’t bear to be around.

Mama, if she ever returned home, who would find that she only had one daughter left.

No, she can’t do that.

But she already knows that she can’t lose Nicole.

Waverly drops her head into her hands, utterly, thoroughly broken.

She _has_ to do this, but she can’t.

She can’t she can’t she can’t-

And then she realises the truth.

Who is Waverly Earp to decide who lives and who dies? Who is she to know how the death of either of the people she holds closest to her heart will affect everyone else? Who is she to make judgements on the value of a life?

No. This isn’t a choice she’s going to make. There is another way, and even though she’s terrified, the answer is crystal clear.

Neither of them are going to die. Nicole will live, and Wynonna will as well.

But there is no way to trick fate.

\---

As she closes her eyes again, she wills herself to dream, if only to see her loved ones a last time.

The last vision is almost bittersweet, because although she knows that this is the right choice, she feels her heart break when she realises that this might be the closest she’s going to get to a goodbye.

 

* * *

_always let the sun go down_

* * *

 

Waverly wakes up in her own bed, at the homestead. Nicole’s side of the bed is cold, but clearly slept in.

The house is quiet.

Waverly stands, immediately noticing that she’s wearing her best dress. She touches the top of her head to find that her hair has been elaborately done up. Her nails have been painted, a black background with neat designs drawn on in glittery silver polish.

Her strappy black stilettos make no sound as she walks over to the mirror.

She isn’t surprised when she doesn’t see herself reflected back at her.

The floorboards don’t squeak when she steps on them, even the stairs are silent.

Doc and Wynonna are sitting together on side of the dining table, while Nicole sits on the other. Wynonna holds one of Nicole’s hands in her own on top of the table.

“But what if she doesn’t? What if she isn’t?” Nicole sobs.

“Just trust me, Nicole. She knows you love her. I saw the way you looked at her.”

Nicole just stares back into Wynonna’s face.

“And she may not have said it, but she loved you, too.”

“How do you know?”

“Because she told me.”

Nicole nods slowly. “How are you sure that she’s okay, wherever she is?”

“Because, Nicole,” Wynonna smiles, a warm, genuine smile.

“An angel’s place is in heaven.”

\---

The three of them stand a few minutes later, and walk outside, Wynonna never letting go of Nicole’s hand.

Waverly watches from the window as they put a body that looks distinctly like hers into the ground.

She watches as Wynonna puts her arms around Nicole after the redhead starts to cry.

\---

After the funeral, Waverly walks out to survey her grave.

Her body lies in a small, rectangular plot of land, with a gravestone that reads:

 

_Waverly Earp_

_September 8, 1995 - October 14, 2018_

_We always knew that she was an angel_

 

Waverly reaches out to trace the words. Simple, but beautiful.

The most beautiful part, of course, is that they chose to bury her on the homestead. The place that she had grown up in. The place where she had experienced a great tragedy. The place that had become her home again.

The place where she planned to marry Nicole.

Waverly shakes her head to dispel the vision of herself and Nicole in wedding finery, standing at an altar on Earp land, their friends and family watching them.

Maybe she could find Nicole again, in another life, but until then it was better not to hope.

\---

Wynonna didn’t break down until she retired to her room. Waverly guesses that it is because she wants to be strong for Nicole, the way Nicole had been for both Earp sisters before Waverly’s death.

Waverly stands at the edge of the room, unsure of what to do to comfort her obviously distressed sister. She isn’t even sure that Wynonna would hear her if she spoke.

What she doesn’t expect is for Wynonna to turn toward Waverly and cover her mouth, her face paling as if she’s seen a ghost.

Which, Waverly supposes, she has.

“Babygirl? Is that really you?” Wynonna says after a moment, her voice shaking.

“Yes.” Without thinking, Waverly walks across the room and reaches for Wynonna’s hands, surprising both of them when Waverly’s hand doesn’t pass through like so much smoke.

Wynonna’s hand is slack in hers for a moment, and then she’s pulled into a bear hug, her face buried in Wynonna’s jacket.

They both start to cry at the same time, overwhelmed by it all.

Wynonna had been sure that she would die before Waverly, she had sworn to herself that she would die and take the world down with her before she allowed anyone to harm her little sister.

But here they are. Wynonna, the rebellious teenager turned demon hunter, still alive, and Waverly, the poster child, the nicest damn person in purgatory, dead.

Waverly, meanwhile, feels that she is letting down her sister by dying. She knows that Wynonna’s fight isn’t over, that she will need the emotional support and vast knowledge that only Waverly possesses, but Waverly won’t be there to help her.

Wynonna pulls away after a few minutes, holding Waverly at arms length and surveying her through red, tear filled eyes.

“I know this is a ridiculous question but- are you going to be okay?”

“Honestly? I think so. I don’t know what comes next, but I think I’ll be okay.” Waverly answers.

Somehow, she isn’t lying.

“You always deserved so much better, Wave. You’re too good for this world.”

Neither sister speaks for a long moment, before Waverly breaks.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself, and of Nicole.” Wynonna nods slowly, solemnly.

“And- and promise me that you’ll join me, not soon, but one day?” It comes out as a question.

“Of course I will.” Wynonna whispers.

Waverly pulls her sister back in for another long hug.

“How long do you have here?”

Waverly reluctantly pulls away far enough to answer. “I don’t know, but I should-”

“Go say goodbye to Nicole.” Wynonna finishes for her. “She needs to see you, even if it’s for the last time.”

Waverly nods and tries to speak, tries to say goodbye, but her words stick in her throat, and before she finds her voice, the room disappears around her.

\---

She blinks and finds herself back in her own bedroom, Nicole already asleep on her side of the bed.

She wonders how long it will take for Nicole to forget which side used to be Waverly’s.

Waverly walks over to Nicole, sitting on the edge of the bed and smoothing her hand over Nicole’s hair.

Nicole sits up sharply, eyes wild, darting around the room until they land in front of her.

On Waverly.

Nicole reaches out to touch Waverly’s cheek, tentative, as if she expects Waverly to run from her touch like a frightened doe. Waverly lays her hand on top of Nicole’s and smiles softly.

“Waverly, you- you’re here.” Nicole says in wonderment.

“You’ve always been perceptive.” Her words elicit a broken laugh from Nicole.

“You’re not real, are you?” Nicole whispers.

“It depends, what do you define as real? I’m dead, but I’m not gone.” Waverly pulls Nicole’s hand away from her face, turning her own hand until their palms are pressed together. “I love you too much to leave you forever.”

Nicole’s eyes fill with tears, and Waverly worries for a long second that she had misheard Wynonna’s words, that Nicole wasn’t ready to hear that from her.

“Wynonna was right.”

Waverly feels her own eyes fill with tears at the very idea that Nicole hadn’t known. “Of course she was. Of course I love you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that while we still had time.”

Waverly reaches down to brush the tears out from under Nicole’s eyes. Nicole catches her hand and presses a kiss to the inside of her wrist.

“I love you too, you know. I think I loved you the first time I saw you.”

Waverly looks at her for a moment, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Nicole’s lips; chaste, but filled with emotion.

Even after Waverly pulls away, Nicole’s eyes stay closed for a moment. When Waverly tries to remove her hand from Nicole’s grasp, Nicole’s eyes shoot open, full of fear.

“Don’t leave yet, please.” She begs.

“Baby, I can’t stay here forever, and you need to move on.”

“But I don’t know if I can go on without you.”

“Nicole, I know that you can. I want nothing more than to see you be happy, and live your life to the fullest. And I know that you can.”

“But I need you. I love you.” Nicole whispers, her voice broken.

“And I’ll be here. Not all of the time, and not like this, but I’ll be here. I promise.” Waverly shifts Nicole’s hand against her own, noting how it doesn’t feel as solid as before.

“Wave, baby, please.” Nicole’s voice is quiet and far away.

“Look after Wynonna for me.” Waverly gives her one last smile. “And never forget that I love you.”

And then she’s gone.

\---

When she blinks into existence again, she can tell that time has passed. The walls have a fresh coat of paint, and the room has been shifted around slightly.

More of Nicole’s belongings are there, too. Waverly’s heart warms at the thought of Nicole moving into the homestead, her place in the family becoming more official.

“Auntie Nicole!” A child shrieks from downstairs.

Waverly hurries over, running down the stairs.

Nicole stands just inside the door as Alice Michelle rushes her, jumping up into her arms. Nicole spins her around, laughing.

When Nicole puts her niece back down on the floor, Alice starts clamoring for a story.

“Alice Michelle Earp, leave your poor aunt alone, at least until she’s eaten something.” Wynonna scolds.

Waverly turns to look at the dining room, pleasantly surprised to see Wynonna and Doc seated on one side of the table and Jeremy and Robin on the other.

“Come on Al, let’s go eat.”

“And then you’ll tell me a story?”

“Of course!” Nicole scowls at her as if somehow offended by the question.

“Yay, a story!” Nicole’s scowl falls from her face at that.

Wynonna starts to stand to make up a plate for Nicole, her pregnant belly coming into view. Doc stands and gestures at her to sit, and is rewarded by a quick kiss.

As Nicole takes her seat at the head of the table, her gaze catches on Waverly.

To Waverly’s surprise, Nicole doesn’t freak out. She just smiles sadly and presses a hand to her heart.

Wynonna sees Nicole looking out into the distance and turns to see Waverly. She swallows sharply and her eyes turn glossy.

 

* * *

 

Waverly stares up at the ceiling of her cell in a state of peaceful acceptance. It's going to be alright, she's going to be alright. Maybe not now, and not for a while, but she has to believe that there was something after, someplace beyond this cruel world. And she knows that if there is, she will be with the people she loves, eventually.

Maybe she’ll find Dolls and Uncle Curtis there. Maybe her father, her _real_ father, will be there. Julian is an angel, after all.

She knows that she won’t find Ward or Willa there, because heaven surely wouldn’t curse its inhabitants.

And eventually, hopefully at least half a century into the future, Wynonna and Nicole will join her there.

She smiles at the memory of seeing her family all together, laughing and smiling and living life. Because it was a memory, it was simply too real to be a dream.

Maybe she will get to see more of those moments as they happen, as Alice Michelle grows up. As Wynonna’s hair turns grey, and Doc ages with her. As Nicole’s face becomes etched with laugh lines.

But even if none of that is real, even if death is the end, she knows that it isn’t Nicole’s time, or Wynonna’s, or even Doc’s.

It is her time to go.

\---

Waverly gives the shadows an eerie, almost feral grin when they come to retrieve her. It doesn’t impact them, of course, they don’t seem to be people so much as faceless, interchangeable guards. But it certainly makes her feel better.

She doesn’t bother looking around as she walks. She already knows that there is no escape from this place, not without a price that she is wholly unwilling to pay.

The throne room looks exactly the same as it did when she was last there, and for all she knows it may have only been hours earlier that she learned of her exact predicament. Time is more of theoretical concept for her at this point.

The white haired woman smiles at her as she walks in, and Waverly smiles back.

“I see you’re a bit cheerier now. I suppose that means that you’ve warmed up to my proposal?”

“Yes. I have.” Waverly answers simply, her smile genuine, her body coursing with a strange sort of excitement. This may not be a traditional battle, but she is doing what she can to protect the people that she loves.

“Oh, Waverly, I’m so glad that we’ve come to an agreement!” The woman seems positively giddy, and Waverly can’t help but be even more pleased with herself. “So, have you made your choice yet?”

“Yes. But I would like to say goodbye to her first, if that’s alright?” Waverly fills her voice and eyes with the charm that she’s famous for.

The woman looks just the slightest bit suspicious for a moment, and Waverly worries that she’s going to have to work harder at convincing her.

“Well, I suppose I can allow that.”

Waverly tries to hide her excitement as her hands are freed and she takes the cellphone from the woman’s outstretched hand.

She pauses for a moment, before choosing the number that she knows will be answered.

The phone barely has time to ring once.

“Hello?”

True to Waverly’s guess, Nicole answers immediately. “Waverly?”

“Nicole.”

Waverly hears Nicole calling for Wynonna.

“Babygirl, are you okay? Where are you?”

“Wynonna, please-”

“Waves, we can come get you just tell us where-”

“Nicole, _stop._ ”

Nicole falls silent abruptly.

“I love you both so, so much.” Waverly tries to keep the tears at bay, tries to keep her voice calm but it’s too much. “I’m so sorry. I love you. I was just calling to say goodbye.”

Waverly can see the woman on the throne watching her with growing suspicion.

“Wh-what?”

“I love you so much.” Waverly says again, because she needs Wynonna and Nicole to remember that, even if she can’t tell them why it is so very important. “Don’t try to find me. Tell Alice and Gus and Doc and Jeremy and Robin that I love them too.”

“Waverly.” Nicole pleads.

“I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

The phone is snatched out of her hand, not by a shadow, but rather by the icy eyed woman herself.

“You’re going to regret this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is nearly done, I just need to do some more editing. Expect it to be posted in a week.


	2. i am not my own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna and Nicole work together to find Waverly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot less angsty, I swear.
> 
> I'm kind of unsatisfied with how this turned out, but I keep reading it over and I'm really not sure how to fix the many, many issues, so I'm just posting it anyway.

Nicole leaves work early, after Waverly doesn’t come in that day and Nicole’s calls and texts to check in on her are left unanswered. Waverly is probably sick, and it makes sense for her to go home a few hours early to take care of her girlfriend.

She knows the moment she steps into the house that something is wrong. Deeply, terribly, unquestionably wrong.

The first thing she notices is the _quiet._ It fills her bones and her mind and her lungs and her heart.

The fear threatens to choke her, but she forces herself to stay calm and search the house.

Her hands shake as she searches the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, the laundry room. She’s not sure whether to be relieved or not when she doesn’t find anything.

The last room to check is her bedroom, and she stands in front of the door for a long minute before she forces herself to walk in.

She checks over the room, and comes up with nothing until she lays down on the floor to check under the bed, and a ball of orange fur jumps out at her.

“Calamity?”

The cat runs out of the room without even glancing at her.

No sign of Waverly.

Nicole pulls out her cell phone and calls Wynonna, because what the hell else is she supposed to do.

“Is she okay?” Wynonna hadn’t seemed too worried when Nicole left the office, agreeing that Waverly was probably just not feeling well, but getting a call so soon after is too much of a coincidence.

“I don’t know.” Nicole’s voice sounds as empty as she feels. “She’s not here.”

“I’ll be there in five.” Nicole hears Wynonna grab her keys before she hangs up.

It takes her a few minutes to drag herself up off of the floor, her movements robotic as she walks down the stairs and sits down at the kitchen table.

Wynonna finds her like that, sitting hunched over, staring at her hands.

\---

They drive over to the homestead because they have to check, even though they both know that she isn’t there.

Once they’ve checked every room and come up with nothing, Nicole shuts off again, staring forward blindly.

She can hear Wynonna talking, but the words mix and blend in her head.

Wynonna grabs her arm and pulls her back out of the house, and before she registers the change of scenery, she finds herself standing in the police station, in the room that had formerly been for black badge meetings, but was now reserved for all things supernatural.

Wynonna talks at Jeremy for a few minutes, and she just stands there, her mind blank, the emptiness filling her.

“Any ideas on where she is, Haught?”

For some reason, that’s enough to cut through the haze, and Nicole stands taller again, her mind booting up, preparing for the work ahead.

“Not yet, but I have some ideas on how we might find out.”

 

* * *

_take part in the war_

* * *

 

Nicole has never worked more in three weeks than she does in the three weeks after Waverly goes missing.

She and Wynonna sleep in the office most nights, passing out after a day of research and interrogations, the illegalities of which Nicole does her best to overlook. She knows better than to get in Wynonna’s way.

They find a lead eight days in, and Wynonna runs into the office to tell her, her eyes are bright enough that for a second it doesn’t look as if she hasn’t slept or eaten properly in a week.

Wynonna gets info on a demon who resides an hour away from the triangle, in a forest that is supposedly cursed.

The moment the two set foot in the forest, it rearranges itself, closing in behind them. They trek through the woods, using Nicole and Wynonna’s combined navigational skills.

Eventually, they realize that they are passing by trees that Wynonna has already marked, despite moving in a straight line. Wynonna curses and punches at one of said trees, cursing again when a jagged line of bark slices into her hand, blood spilling out onto her fingers.

A laugh rings out through the forest around them, carrying far despite its high pitch.

“Show yourself, demonshit.” Wynonna snarls, turning in a circle to survey her surroundings.

A squirrel scurries toward her and she jumps, pointing peacemaker at it for a second before realizing her mistake.

Nicole laughs despite herself, continuing to survey the forest around her for the source of the noise.

“The fuck?”

Nicole spins around to see the tiny red squirrel growing taller and wider, its fur transforming into leathery skin, until it stands about a foot taller than Wynonna.

Wynonna points peacemaker at it, shooting it between its large, squirrely eyes.

It just laughs again, a high pitched tittering sound that makes Nicole want to vomit.

“Shit shit shit fuck shit.” Wynonna mutters as she backs away, keeping her eyes trained on the giant squirrel-demon. “I’d love some help just about now, Haughtass.”

Nicole bends down to pick up a rock or a stick or something else that she could throw to distract the demon, but comes up with a single acorn instead. She throws it anyway, and it bounces harmlessly off the side of the demon’s head. “Come on, aren’t you supposed to be a squirrel? Eat the damn acorn!”

She backs away, reaching for her gun, accidentally brushing up against a branch and nicking her arm.

The squirrel-demon turns toward her, its nostrils flaring as it giggles and smiles a flat smile full of perfectly rectangular teeth.

“My, my, two offerings! Which of you will I choose?” Its voice is as creepily silly as its laugh, and Nicole would have laughed if she wasn’t in grave danger.

“Um, Wynonna, offerings?!” Nicole shouts.

“This wasn’t part of the plan, Red!” Wynonna shouts back. “Hey, peanut brain, how about you let us walk and I’ll bring you back a nice bag of almonds or something?”

The demon swipes at her with a clawed paw and Wynonna jumps back a few feet. “Okay, okay, how about pecans? Walnuts?”

The demon is advancing on Nicole now, its eyes laser focused on the cut on her arm. “Blood.”

“How about I buy you some red wine? You wouldn’t be the worst date I’ve ever had. There was one guy who-”

“Blood of destroyer, blood of protector. Blood of fighter, blood of lover. Blood of heir, blood of survivor.”

“How the hell does it know that?”

“Which blood to choose?

“How about your own blood, acorn-balls?”

Something clicks in Nicole’s head.

“Wynonna! Do you have a knife?”

“Of course!” Wynonna produces a butter knife from her pocket. It’ll have to do.

“I’m going to distract it, and I need you to stab it.”

Nicole doesn’t wait for Wynonna to respond, feinting toward the demon as if to try to punch it, and backing up diagonally so that Wynonna is behind it.

“Take this, Loco-nut!” Wynonna runs at the demon, jumping and plunging the knife into its back. She pulls it back out immediately, and grey blood spurts out from the wound. “Ick!”

The demon’s nostrils flare again, and its eyes go the same grey as its blood.

“Wynonna, run!”

The squirrel-demon screeches and tries to reach the wound with one of its paws, but it can’t quite reach. It scrabbles at its skin, but only succeeds in slicing up its skin even more with its sharp squirrel claws.

Wynonna jumps out of the way as the demon removes its paw from its back, howls, and turns toward the scent of its own blood, circling and circling until it runs directly into a tree. The tree snaps in half, and the demon totters for a second before collapsing onto the ground.

Wynonna and Nicole approach the demon, and Wynonna forcefully shoves the butter knife into the creature’s forehead. The blade snaps off, staying lodged between the demon’s eyes while Wynonna is left with a stump of metal.

“Oh, come on! That was my favorite knife!” Wynonna turns and throws the knife fragment into the distance.

Nicole watches the demon until it stops breathing, and is not at all surprised when the fresh corpse spontaneously turns to dust.

When she looks up again, the trees have rearranged, leaving a distinct path forward.

Nicole and Wynonna glance at each other for a moment before continuing down the path.

The pathway ends in a clearing, a blonde man tied up in the middle of it, his skin deathly pale. She runs over, pressing two fingers to his neck, gasping in surprise when she finds a faint pulse.

“Wynonna! Help me carry him to the car!”

She’s not sure how to feel about the fact that Waverly isn’t there.

\---

The second lead comes thirteen days later, in the form of a phone call from Wynonna.

Nicole jumps into her car without a second thought.

Wynonna describes the demon’s history over the phone. It seems to take a person every three years, alternating between men and women, with its last likely target being a man. It targets people who are already connected to the supernatural.

It takes people apart, inflicting all sorts of physical and psychological tortures, using pain to turn them into something less than human.

Nicole shivers and presses down harder on the accelerator.

\---

When it’s over and the demon is dead and they’re standing outside of the room where it kept its victims, Nicole isn’t sure she can do it. She knows that if she finds Waverly inside, she won’t be the same Waverly, and she doesn’t know what she would do. Would her and Wynonna be able to kill Waverly, even if she wasn’t Waverly anymore?

She pushes the door open, searching around for a light switch. The lights flicker on slowly, shakily, as if they’re as nervous to show the face of the victim as Nicole is to see it.

There’s a short brunette chained to the wall, her head hanging, matted hair hiding her face. Nicole’s breath catches in her throat for the long moment it takes for her to realize that the woman isn’t Waverly.

“It’s not her.” Wynonna breathes out, open in her relief.

Nicole approaches slowly, her hand on her gun, jumping when the woman lifts her head, snarling. Up close, Nicole can see faintly glowing runes carved into her skin.

Wynonna steps up beside her, raising peacemaker to point at the woman’s forehead. The brunette is chanting now, words that feel evil in a way that Nicole can’t explain.

Wynonna falters for a second, and in the moment before she shoots, she says something different than all of the times she has shot demons and revenants.

“I’m sorry.”

 

* * *

_surrender and retreat_

* * *

 

The drive back to the police station is silent, and Nicole clenches her teeth with the effort of holding herself together.

She isn’t sure how much longer she can do this.

They walk into Nicole’s office in the same silence.

Wynonna starts talking the moment the door closes.

“I have a few other ideas, someone told me about a kelpie nearby who likes to play with its victims, there’s another possib-”

“Stop.” Nicole cuts her off, voice quiet and still. “Stop it, Wynonna. She’s gone.”

Wynonna turns sharply, her face filling with anger. “So you think it’s okay to just give up, then?”

“No, but-”

“You’re just going to let her go like that? You aren’t going to search any more? Do you think that she would just give up if you went missing?”

They stare at each other until Nicole breaks eye contact, looking at the floor. “I’m not her, Wynonna. Neither of us are.”

“Yeah, well you’re the goddamn sheriff of this town and if you can’t spend more than a few weeks trying to find the woman you claim to love, then I guess you never really loved her.”

Nicole is silent, because Wynonna is right, but she doesn’t know how to do this, and they’ve already lost so much, and she can’t think about it too much because if she does then she’ll break, and what good is she to anyone then?

“Fuck you, Haught.”

Wynonna storms out, slamming the door behind her.

\---

Nicole isn’t sure how she finds herself on Nedley’s doorstep an hour later, her hand poised to knock, hanging in the air a few inches away from the door for minutes on end.

The door opens before she manages to pull herself together enough to knock, and Nedley’s standing there, watching her curiously. “Sheriff.”

Nicole opens her mouth to respond, but then closes it again, because what right does she have to claim the title of Sheriff if she constantly has people dying on her watch, and Waverly might now be one of those people.

Nedley steps to the side, gesturing for Nicole to come in. She allows herself to be guided into a chair, and Nedley takes the seat across from her.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Nedley doesn’t speak, just keeps watching her silently.

“Waverly’s gone. I don’t know where she is, and I’ve been looking everywhere, and every time I think we’ve found a lead, it’s nothing.”

She takes a deep, slow breathe.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

“Do what?” Nedley’s voice is quiet, unintrusive.

“Anything. Everything. I don’t know how to exist not knowing if she’s safe.”

“Well then, you just have to find out.”

Nicole looks up sharply. “I don’t know how to do that either, and even if I did, I’m not sure if knowing that she’s dead is better than not knowing.”

“Nicole, do you really think that she’s dead?”

“I don’t know. I don’t _feel_ like she’s dead, but it’s been three weeks, how could she still be alive?”

“She could still be alive because she’s an Earp. She’s a fighter, she’s stronger than any of us can imagine, and she’s smart. I’m sure that she’s still alive, Haught, especially if you feel like she is. The bond that you two have, you’d feel if it was broken.”

“Do you really think so?” Nicole feels a hint of hope, but hope is scary, and she doesn’t want to hope if there isn’t a chance.

“I know so. You just need to hurry and get to her. I believe that you can get there in time, kid. If anyone can get through this, it’s you and Waverly.”

\---

The sky is dark by the time Nicole leaves Nedley’s and drives back to the station, but she knows that Wynonna is still there, because neither of them have gone home for the night since Waverly disappeared.

As she’s walking back into the station, her phone rings. She thinks for a split second about ignoring it, but then she takes it out of her pocket and sees the name on the screen.

_Waverly._

\---

When Waverly ends the call, it takes everything in Nicole not to scream and throw her phone at the nearest wall, which she can’t do just in case Waverly calls again.

And then, something happens that shocks Nicole to her core, and suddenly she’s the strong one again.

Wynonna starts to sob, loud and ugly and hopeless, leaning back against the wall and sinking down to the floor, clutching her head in her hands.

Nicole isn’t sure how to comfort someone like Wynonna, especially since Wynonna might still be mad at her.

She wraps an arm around Wynonna’s shoulders, and is more than a little surprised when Wynonna leans into her, resting her head on Nicole’s shoulder as Nicole holds her.

After a moment, she speaks. “She’s going to be okay, Wynonna. We’re going to find her, and she’s going to be okay.”

And the crazy thing about what she’s saying? She really believes it.

 

* * *

_your weaponized words_

* * *

 

Nicole wakes to find Wynonna still leaning against her, sound asleep. Light filters through the window, and she guesses it’s about 10 am.

She shifts Wynonna to lean against the wall and heads to the breakroom to get some coffee.

The breakroom is empty except for Jeremy, who is dancing and humming under his breath.

Nicole covers her mouth to stifle a laugh, but Jeremy hears her anyway.

“Oh, hi, I didn’t see you there, can we just pretend that didn’t happen?”

“Pretend what didn’t happen?”

Nicole turns to see Wynonna leaning against the doorframe, smirking, her face still red from crying.

“Noth-” Jeremy cuts himself off as he sees Wynonna’s face, tear tracks and all. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, you know, my baby sister went missing and then after three weeks of looking for her she called to tell us not to look for her and she’s probably dead and both me and Haughtstuff are walking shells of people, but if you don’t count any of that, then I’m just peachy.”

“Wait- what did you say?”

“Do you seriously want me to repeat that? Short version, I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown and I want to die.” Wynonna looks torn between anger and the hollow sadness that Nicole has gotten all too familiar with over the past weeks.

“No, not that- you said Waverly called you?”

“Well technically she called Nicole.”

Jeremy walks over to Nicole, holding his hand out expectantly.

“What?”

“Give me your phone.” Jeremy responds, as if it’s obvious.

Nicole shrugs and hands it over, and Jeremy runs out of the room.

Nicole and Wynonna follow Jeremy over to the former BBD office, which is filled with all sorts of high tech equipment. They look at each other, realizing it at the same time.

“Can you track her phone or something?”

“Jeremy, you weird little twerpy genius!”

Jeremy doesn’t even look at either of them, just plugging Nicole’s phone into the desktop and typing in some strings of characters that Nicole can’t even begin to understand.

“Do you want my phone password or something?”

“No, that won’t be necessary, black badge had some really cool software that can do all sorts of things, it took less than a second for it to get into your phone.”

“Well that’s super reassuring.” Nicole says absentmindedly, because it’s kind of creepy, yes, but she’s so much more focused on the possibility of finding Waverly.

She decides that it’s better to let Jeremy focus, stepping away and pulling out a chair a few feet away. Wynonna follows her lead, sitting across from her.

Only a few minutes later, Jeremy turns his chair around to face them, grinning.

“I think I’ve got it!”

\---

Jeremy sends them to a place on the boundary of the triangle.

Nicole can feel the excitement crackling in the car as they drive. Sure, this is the third lead, and the other two have come to nothing. Sure, they’ve been looking for three weeks, and their commitment is evident in the dark bags under both of their eyes. Sure, they have both nearly given up.

But this time is different. Jeremy is working with them on it, and he is pretty damn sure he’s gotten it right.

And there’s something more. Nicole got the call just after being told by Nedley that she had to keep looking, and it’s too much of a coincidence.

She has to hope that this is the universe pushing her toward Waverly.

\---

They get out of the car at a small graveyard, and Nicole thinks she might be sick.

“Jeremy, you better be fucking joking.” Wynonna’s voice is shaking, although Nicole can’t tell whether it’s out of anger or fear.

Nicole hears Jeremy answer through her own earpiece. “No, I’m not joking. But this isn’t what it looks like.”

“I sure fucking hope not.” Wynonna whispers under her breath.

“For one thing, Waverly seems to be much farther underground than a grave.” Nicole sinks to her knees on the ground, weak, she doesn’t want to think about what that could mean. A super deep grave? Hell?

“I did some research, and there’s some folklore about that graveyard. I think she’s in an underground castle.”

“Jeremy, not funny.” Wynonna scolds.

“I’m not joking! Legend has it that a sorceress sunk the castle underground.”

“And how do we get into this super real underground castle?” Nicole isn’t sure anymore whether Wynonna’s being sarcastic or not.

Jeremy reads out a list of very specific directions.

Nicole clears her throat, and her voice comes out stronger than she expects. “Let’s do it.”

\---

Nicole feels ridiculous reciting the words after Jeremy and walking in specific patterns across the graveyard, but it’s worth it when a patch of ground shifts to the side, revealing a spiral staircase going down.

“Holy-” Nicole starts.

“Fuck.” Wynonna finishes her thought.

Nicole wastes no more time, stepping onto the staircase. A few steps in, she starts to notice the smell. Damp, old, decayed.

Death. It smells like death.

She shivers and keeps walking.

Wynonna gags loudly behind her, and Nicole turns around for a moment to shush her.

At the bottom of the staircase is a short hallway, which leads to another, longer hallway that stretches far in both directions. Nicole can see other hallways splitting off of the main one.

“Well, fuck.” Wynonna mutters.

“You can say that again.”

“Let’s split up.”

Nicole turns to Wynonna with a frown. “No. That’s what people do in horror movies, and they all die.”

“Yeah, so we should do it because horror movies are the opposite of real life.”

Nicole rolls her eyes and continues through gritted teeth. “Wynonna, there could be hundreds of hallways, thousands, even. This castle is magic. Even if we split up, we won’t have a chance to check every hallway, and if we get caught we’ll have a better chance of fighting if we’re together.”

Wynonna sighs, but Nicole can tell that she is somewhat relieved to not be on her own. “Okay then. I’ll follow your lead, Officer Smartass.”

Nicole turns to the left and then to the right, opening all of her senses, trying to pick up on anything that could tell her which way to go.

“What are you waiting for?” Wynonna says impatiently, shifting from one foot to the other.

“Just wait.”

“Okaaay.” Wynonna leans up against the doorframe, shifting against it as if trying to get more comfortable. “Dammit! This side of the door feels weird, can I have your side?”

Nicole crooks an eyebrow, but moves aside to allow Wynonna to lean against the other side of the doorframe.

“ _So_ much better.”

Nicole turns so that she is leaning against the left side of the doorframe, where Wynonna was earlier. She’s right, there is something off, almost as if the angle of the floor is wrong…

_Oh._

Nicole backs up into the hallway that they had come from, staring at the doorframe. It looks off, now that she is paying more attention. It seems like the right side of the doorframe is longer than the left, which could have been done to compensate for a slant in the floor.

Which means that they should go to the right, Nicole thinks. Down, because where better to keep a prisoner than as far underground as one could possibly go.

The dungeons.

Without a word, Nicole walks back up to where Wynonna is standing and watching her, and then out into the hallway where she turns right and follows the hallway until the floor feels like it’s shifting, as if it no longer points downward.

There are two doorways, one on the left and one on the right, and after looking at both, Nicole turns right again. Wynonna just follows silently behind her, seeming to understand that Nicole knows what she’s doing.

At least, she hopes she does.

The hallway ends in a spiral staircase, heading down, as Nicole had suspected.

The smell of death is even stronger.

She turns to Wynonna, who stands a few paces behind her, looking perplexed.

“Look, I don’t know what we’re going to find down there, but-”

“But she might be there.” Wynonna answers slowly.

Nicole nods and turns back toward the staircase when she is stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

“Nicole, do you think that she’s, um, well…” Wynonna trails off, nervous.

Nicole doesn’t need her to finish the question. It’s the thought on her own mind, too.

“I hope so, but I need you to be ready if she isn’t.”

Nicole takes a deep breath and starts walking down the staircase.

It feels like it goes on forever, and her stomach twists at the thought of how far they are underground, but it doesn’t matter because she would go to the ends of the earth for Waverly Earp.

She stops at the bottom step of the staircase, and Wynonna collides into her because it’s so goddamn dark that she wants to rip her eyeballs out.

Nicole reluctantly pulls out her phone, turning the flashlight on low. Even the small amount of light provided is a shock to her eyes, and from the noise Wynonna makes, she feels the same.

The light illuminates a large dungeon. Nicole steps up to the first cell, her heart stopping when she sees what the source of the smell is.

Corpses, piled on top of each other, slowly rotting away. She breathes a sigh of relief when she realizes that they are all far too decayed to be Waverly.

Unless time passes differently down here. But no, she can’t think about that, because she has to keep looking.

Nicole turns back to Wynonna to make sure that she’s on the same page about everything, and the washed out, sickened look on her face tells her that she is.

The next dozen cells are in the same state, decayed bodies stacked on top of each other thoughtlessly.

After that, thankfully, the body count decreases. There are a few cells with one or two dead people, and then several empty ones. Her heart falls, because the rest of the cells seem to be empty, but then she approaches the last cell and her broken heart stops beating.

Waverly is lying on the ground, curled up into a ball, her face covered in blood, her hair matted, and one of her feet twisted in a direction that it shouldn’t be able to go.

Wynonna gasps and steps in front of her, attempting to pull the cell door open. “Fuck! It’s locked!”

Nicole’s hands shake as she reaches into a pocket on her belt, pulling out several metal rods that she had brought with her in case of this specific circumstance. She kneels down in front of the door and gets to work.

“Are those- lockpicks?” Wynonna asks, astonished. “You know how to pick locks?”

“I got into a lot of trouble when I was a teenager, believe it or not.” Nicole mutters as she works the tools against the lock.

“I choose not.”

“Regardless, it’s occasionally useful when you work in law enforcement in Purgatory.”

The lock clicks open and Nicole pulls the door open, allowing Wynonna to run into the cell in front of her. She listens for a moment to make sure that they’re still alone before stepping in behind her.

Wynonna is sitting on the ground beside Waverly, shaking her and barely holding back tears.

Nicole drops to the ground on her other side, pressing two fingers to her neck. Sure enough, Waverly’s pulse is there, somewhat faint, but distinctly present.

“Waverly, Wave, you’ve got to wake up, come on, please.” Wynonna begs brokenly.

Waverly stirs slightly, whimpering. “Nonna?”

Wynonna and Nicole both freeze at the sound of her voice, so soft that anywhere else it would have been inaudible, but in the suffocating silence of the castle it could be heard.

“Waves, oh god, you’re alive. We’re going to get you out of here, okay?”

Waverly just whimpers again.

“Wynonna, we need to go. This place isn’t safe.”

Waverly’s head turns toward her. “Nicole?”

“I’m here, baby.” Nicole says gently.

“So, what’s the plan then?” Wynonna asks, her voice slightly steadier than before,

“I carry her, and you shoot at any bad guys who get in our way.”

“But someone kidnapped her! We can’t just leave without dealing with that!”

“Wynonna, we can come back once Waverly is safe, we can leave her with Doc and Jeremy and deal with all of this without worrying about her safety.”

“Okay.” Wynonna doesn’t sound convinced, but she seems to have decided not to push the issue.

“Wave,” Nicole says softly, turning her attention back to the girl laid out on the ground in front of her. “I’m going to pick you up now.”

Waverly makes a vaguely affirmative noise and tries to lift her arms to wrap around Nicole’s neck, but they don’t get very far.

Nicole moves her head closer and guides Waverly’s hands to clasp together behind her neck, setting her own hands under Waverly’s back and knees and easily lifting the smaller girl into her arms.

Wynonna picks up Nicole’s phone from the floor, shining the light toward the cell door, and Nicole breathes out a sigh of relief when she sees that there isn’t anyone - or any _thing_ \- standing there.

Nicole makes sure to stay behind Wynonna now, because she has no way to defend herself against approaching enemies, both of her hands being used to carry Waverly as gently as possible.

She notes approvingly the way that Wynonna pauses for a moment at the top of the staircase, and in the doorway before going out into the main hallway, checking for danger instead of jumping in headfirst.

But, then again, this is a different situation, because Wynonna will do anything, including be careful, if it means that Waverly will be safe.

 

* * *

  _i loved you the first time i saw you_

* * *

  

There’s a noise behind her, something akin to footsteps, but less material.

Wynonna automatically steps to the side so that she’s in between her sister and the danger, glancing behind her before continuing on.

Nicole’s heart is beating too fast, too hard, as if it’s trying to beat for her and the girl in her arms, and time slows down. She glances down and sees Waverly looking up at her with the most beautiful, vulnerable look in her eyes.

She doesn’t look scared, no, she looks like a woman in love.

Nicole tables that thought, because now isn’t the time, if they get out of this relatively unharmed then Waverly and her can talk about it, and she can stare into her lover’s eyes for as long as she pleases.

Behind her, Wynonna swears and fumbles for her gun, but Nicole doesn’t turn around, because she trusts Wynonna, she has to trust her in order for them all to make it out alive.

There’s a single gunshot, then Wynonna shouts, “Peacemaker doesn’t hurt them!” and Nicole starts to run for more than her own life.

She hears Wynonna’s voice over her earpiece, “Jeremy, we’re gonna need some help!”

Jeremy’s voice is crackly, but Nicole is relieved to be able to make out all of the words. “What’s going on?”

“We’re being chased by- it doesn’t matter! Just tell me how to blow this place up!”

“Okay, I think you’re spending too much time with Doc-”

“I’m serious, pipsqueak! Blow it up, sink it into the center of the earth, banish it into an alternate universe, I don’t give a fuck, just figure something out!”

There’s a scrambling of papers and the sound of Jeremy typing frantically at the other end, and then he starts reading out a list of directions similar to the ones they used to get into the castle. Wynonna mutters after him, repeating the directions in a more condensed, more _Wynonna_ , form.

Nicole takes the stairs three at a time, running toward the opening in the ground, and Waverly squeals with joy when they’re finally outside again, the sun warming their spirits.

Wynonna runs out behind them, ushering Nicole to the edge of the graveyard. She can sense that whatever was chasing them is getting closer, and her legs itch to run farther, to carry Waverly as far away from this as she possibly can, but she stays, because Wynonna is taking the lead in this, and it’s going to be okay.

“We need to keep them on the grounds. I’m going to do the ritual, and when I start running, you need to make sure you’re out of the graveyard immediately.” Nicole nods her eyes locked on Wynonna’s. “Can you distract some of them while you’re carrying her?”

Nicole thinks for a moment, because she knows that if she says yes and can’t make good on it, she could mess all of this up, right when they’re all so close to freedom.

“Yes.”

Wynonna steps forward, kissing Waverly’s forehead and whispering a few words to her, before stepping away and beginning the ritual.

Nicole shifts Waverly in her arms, attentive for any sign of discomfort from her, but Waverly just holds on tighter to compensate for Nicole removing one hand, using it to pull out her gun as she clutches Waverly to her chest with her other arm.

Holding the gun in front of her, she squares up across from the hole in the ground, just in time to see what appears to be a black cloak filled with smoke emerge from the hole. It turns the place where its head would be from side to side, until it fixates on Nicole and Waverly.

“Fuck.”

The cloak is moving toward them now, gliding forward intently. Nicole shoots, but she doesn’t have to watch the bullet pass through the smoke creature to know that it won’t do any good.

She tucks her gun away, shifting Waverly back onto both of her arms, and takes off along the perimeter of the graveyard.

She’s half aware of other smoke creatures joining the first, but she doesn’t turn and look, instead relying on her own instincts to tell her where they are as she weaves around and between gravestones, doubling back whenever she feels them going around to catch her.

Waverly is silent in her arms, but her whole body is stiff with fear.

And then, the smoke creatures disappear.

“What the hell?”

Waverly looks as confused as she feels, until she spots something else behind Nicole, and her eyes go wide.

Nicole turns around, jogging backward as she surveys their new challenger.

There’s a woman standing next to the hole in the ground. Her hair is white, her skin so pale that it appears blue in the daylight. Her dress is the color of blood, and she’s holding a broadsword in a way that tells Nicole she knows how to use it.

And then she smiles, and Nicole’s blood runs cold.

Nicole Haught has encountered of all sorts of abusers, rapists, murderers, even serial killers. But this woman’s smile is terrifying in a different way. It roots her to the spot, a predator mesmerizing its prey so that it can come in for the kill. It’s the smile of a person who has seen countless lives taken by her own hands, but who still finds joy in the act of killing.

She knows in her bones that this woman, probably the very sorceress who sank the castle underground, is a force to be reckoned with.

By the time Nicole frees herself from the hold of the sorceress’s gaze, she has cut the distance between them in half.

Nicole is stuck between trying to shoot her, which probably won’t have any effect, and running away, which is not a guaranteed solution given the quick speed at which the woman moves and the encroaching exhaustion in Nicole’s legs.

She glances over at Wynonna, who is still muttering and pacing around. Nicole has no idea how far through the ritual she is, it could take another ten minutes for all she knows.

So she makes a choice.

She takes a few steps until she’s not standing on the graveyard anymore, and sets Waverly down against a tree.

“What-”

“Shhh.” Nicole says, brushing Waverly’s hair behind her ear and pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose, and then one to her lips. Waverly leans into her as she pulls away. “I love you.”

“Nicole-” Waverly tries, but Nicole is already walking away, because she’s made her choice.

 

* * *

_don’t wanna fight anymore_

* * *

 

Nicole doesn’t bother to reach for her gun, simply resting her hands loosely on her belt. No matter which way this ends, she isn’t going to need a weapon.

The sorceress is only a few strides away now, and Nicole is the only thing standing between her and Waverly. A human shield of sorts.

She just has to be careful not to get struck down too soon.

“What do you want?” Nicole says, trying her best to hide how scared she is.

“I want what I’m owed.” The sorceress smiles again.

“We don’t owe you anything.”

“Not any _thing,_ any _one._ ”

“You’re not getting Waverly back. I’ll die before I let you take her again.”

“Oh,” the sorceress says softly. “I’m sure you will.”

She doesn’t wait for Nicole to respond, continuing, “I don’t need her. It was never about her. It has always been about you and the Heir.”

“Then why did you take her? Why not take one of us?”

“Because you have to come willingly. That’s the point, of all of this. You have to come completely willingly, knowing that you will never leave.”

Nicole is silent, her nails digging into her palms, listening carefully. Wynonna is still chanting.

“I’ll never trouble any of you again, I swear. All you have to do is come with me, willingly. You won’t be able to fight, once you give yourself up. And then your little lover and her sister will be safe.”

Nicole only has to think for a split second, because she knows that if she has to choose between herself and Waverly, she will  _always_ choose Waverly.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

The moment the words leave her lips, her limbs start moving forward of their own accord, as if being drawn forward by some unseen force. She turns her head, trying to catch one last glimpse of Waverly, because even though she’s pretty sure that Wynonna will succeed in destroying the castle, she won’t be able to escape in time.

This is the end.

Her last glimpse of Waverly breaks her heart, because she’s struggling to push herself off of the ground, leaning against the tree, as if she could run after Nicole if she could only stand.

No matter that neither of her legs are in working order.

Her eyes meet Nicole’s, and she’s reminded of the time when Jack attacked her and Wynonna.

Only this time they both know what’s about to happen, and this time there isn’t a way out.

Nicole is only a few paces away from the hole now, and she pulls in her last breath of fresh air-

And the ground starts to rumble.

Wynonna is yelling now, words that Nicole can’t make out.

The sorceress screams.

Something, no, some _one,_ barrels into her from behind, pushing her off of the course that her limbs were taking her in.

Her muscles strain to turn, to keep walking toward her demise, but she is propelled forcefully away, until at last she finds herself lying a few feet away from the roiling earth.

She’s not on the graveyard.

The person keeps her pinned to the ground as the sorceress screams again, louder this time, the kind of noise that can break glass and shatter eardrums.

And then, nothing. The ground resettles, and the hole is gone.

The weight lifts up from on top of her.

“What the fuck was that, Haughtshot?”

“Wynonna?” Nicole rolls over onto her back to see Wynonna standing above her, glaring down at her. “You saved me?”

“Don’t get too full of yourself. Waverly would be heartbroken if you died.” Wynonna shrugs. “And I wouldn’t have anyone to make fun of. But the next time you do something dumb like that, I'm totally letting you die.”

Nicole laughs weakly. She wants to sink down onto the ground and close her eyes, because it’s over, and she’s _so_ tired.

“Um, guys! A little help?” Waverly calls from the other side of the graveyard.

Wynonna jumps up and runs around the side of the graveyard, crouching beside Waverly and helping her up. The moment she tries to put weight on her feet, she yelps, leaning into Wynonna’s side.

“Haught! Your girl needs some help!” Wynonna shouts, and Nicole hauls herself to her feet and drags her aching body over to the two sisters.

She steels herself for an angry Waverly, but she finds her girlfriend watching her with a sort of curiosity.

She decides not to question it.

Nicole’s heart swells at the way Waverly reaches for her, as if it’s the most natural thing she could do.

Wynonna and Nicole walk side by side to the car, Wynonna reaching out to touch Waverly’s face and hair every few seconds, as if proving to herself that this is real.

Waverly falls asleep with her head in Nicole’s lap, Nicole’s fingers carding slowly through her matted hair.

 

* * *

_because when you’re home, you’re already home_

* * *

 

It’s been weeks since she slept in a bed, and she thinks she might be in heaven.

She turns her head to the side and sees Waverly watching her, her hair laid out in a halo around her head.

Amendment, she _knows_ that this is heaven.

Waverly reaches out and places a hand on her cheek, and Nicole leans easily into her touch, before turning her head to press a kiss to Waverly’s palm.

Waverly giggles, her mouth curving into a slow smile.

“What are you thinking about?”

“How beautiful you are. How much I missed you. How this doesn’t feel real.” Waverly answers, still smiling.

“That’s funny, I was thinking the same things.” Nicole nips lightly at Waverly’s fingertips.

Waverly’s face stills, her smile leaving as slowly as it appeared, and Nicole would do anything to get it back.

“Is this real? Are you real?” Waverly whispers.

Nicole takes Waverly’s hand and presses her own against it, tangling their fingers together. “Does that feel real?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

Nicole thinks for a second about how to prove to Waverly that this is real, because Waverly has told her about the visions, so vivid that they blended with reality, and Nicole knows that words might not be enough.

She leans in slowly, giving Waverly plenty of time to move away if she wants, but Waverly holds her ground. Nicole keeps moving forward until her lips are pressed against Waverly’s.

Waverly’s lips are so, so soft.

She pulls away, reluctantly, but allows herself the pleasure of trailing kisses down Waverly’s face and neck, tracing over the column of her throat and ending at the hollow in her collarbone.

Nicole pulls back far enough to see into Waverly’s eyes. “How about that?”

Waverly swallows, her eyes darkening. “Closer.”

“Should I keep trying?” Nicole asks, her heart beating faster in her chest.

“Please.”

They haven’t gone beyond kisses and over the clothes touches since Waverly was kidnapped, largely because Waverly was only discharged from the hospital less than twenty four hours earlier.

And now Nicole is terrified.

Because Waverly is still herself, but she has physical and emotional scars that run deeper than Nicole can comprehend, and she’s scared that physical intimacy will cause something to break.

But Waverly seems almost desperate in her need, and Nicole feels the same way, because despite her best efforts, she isn’t convinced that this is real either.

So she doesn’t waste another moment. Instead, she gives.

 

* * *

_i am yours_

* * *

 

Waverly’s skin is soft under her hands and her mouth and her sighs and moans are the sweetest sounds Nicole has ever heard.

Waverly’s back arches as Nicole’s mouth closes over her breast, all of her breath leaving in a gasp.

When Waverly catches her breath Nicole can feel her chest rising and falling rapidly, her body bucking under every touch, so much so that Nicole has to press her weight down on top of Waverly to hold her down.

She moans low and drops her head onto Waverly’s chest because she can feel Waverly against her thigh and for a moment her mind goes blank.

And then Waverly is whimpering and squirming under her, and Nicole comes back to her senses, because she would have to be crazy to make the goddess laid out underneath her wait any longer when she could give everything now.

Nicole starts to move down her body, placing kisses as she goes, because she’s parched for something so much sweeter than water. She’s startled by a hand at the back of her neck, pulling her back up Waverly’s body.

She looks into Waverly’s eyes with concern because even though Waverly’s ready physically she might not be ready emotionally and Nicole would rather die than hurt her.

Waverly pulls her down for a kiss, soft and reassuring, and she relaxes immediately.

“I just- I want you up here with me, if that’s alright?”

Nicole smiles and kisses her again. “Of course, my dear.”

She keeps their bodies pressed together, keeps some of her weight resting on Waverly, both for practical purposes and because they both know what it does to her.

She takes her mouth off of Waverly’s as she trails her hand down the side of Waverly’s body because it feels amazing to kiss her but right now Nicole wants to hear her beautiful voice crying out.

She isn’t disappointed, because when Nicole slips her hand between them, skimming over her stomach and her pelvis to rest against the heat between her thighs, Waverly’s mouth drops open.

“Oh, Nicole, _please_.”

Nicole smiles down at her before moving her head to the side, latching onto Waverly’s neck and eliciting another drawn out moan.

She knows that Waverly’s close to begging at this point, can feel it in the way her body tenses up and quivers under Nicole’s touch, and later she’ll take her time, make Waverly beg to be touched, taken, but right now she knows that they both need this the same way they need air.

Nicole presses two fingers against Waverly’s center, circling a few times before pushing _in_ in a long, languid motion, and then it’s her turn to moan because Waverly feels _so_ good under her and around her.

Waverly’s hands grip onto her for dear life as she reaches her peak, her entire body stiffening as she comes undone.

Nicole eases her through it, continuing her slow strokes into her center, whispering comforting words.

“I’ve got you, baby. I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Waverly stills after a minute, still clutching onto Nicole as if she’d disappear if Waverly let go.

“It’s okay baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

Waverly blushes and softens her grip. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so-”

Nicole cuts her off with a kiss. “Don’t be. I am yours, Waverly Earp.”

“And I am yours, Nicole Haught.”

Despite everything that has happened over the past weeks, she’s sure that there has never been a more perfect moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always looking to improve my writing, so I'd love any feedback you have.


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